I could promise in public and convince myself that I'm going to post more, but nothing will actually solve this problem besides just plain posting more. So let's call it an experiment in persistence. Part of me says you don't have anything interesting to say, but if that were true I wouldn't call myself a writer. On Tuesday I went down to D.C. to see a fiction professor from college do a reading. She's really hot right now in the literary world, and it was a real joy to get to see her in action outside the classroom from two years ago. I want to be her when I grow up. When she asked whether I was still writing, after we'd made mutual exclamations of delight in seeing each other, I was both pleased and a little embarrassed to tell her, "Yes!" I didn't elaborate on what I was writing, since that particular day I'd spent a lot of energy on some Victorian porn, but it felt good all the same. Later, relaying this story to some likeminded people, I was assured that Victorian porn is nothing to be ashamed about! And I thought, well, yes and no.
Writing erotica is something we erotica writers have some trouble coming clean about, particularly to people we hold in esteem. It's easier to tell people in the middle distance who don't know you very well that you spend your free time visualizing gay sex and mentally maneuvering people into positions, but it's hard to own up to that to people who have read your other writing. My parents know I dabble in erotica, and they're mostly willfully ignorant about it (although I do keep my mom updated every time I have a contract come due), and my sister has been my best cheerleader practically since I started writing. I even have a few close friends who are apprised of the situation: when I say "author," I'm not just being cheeky.
I admire Karen deeply, I think she is the coolest. She makes supernatural elements normal in her writing, and she's getting the attention of literary critics. She's silly and funny and ingenious, and half of me wants to write just like that and be a rising star just like her.
The other part of me wants the niche market, and the fandom.
Basically, if someday I have my own fandom, I can die happy.
I guess I should go work on my sci-fi epic, huh?